Breaking up is never easy, but figuring out how break up with someone you love feels like trying to breathe underwater.
I’ve been there, staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., wondering if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
Loving someone while knowing it’s time to let go is a strange, painful tug-of-war between heart and mind.
In this post, I’m sharing my own experience, the gentle steps I followed, and the lessons I learned so that if you ever have to walk this difficult path, you’ll know you’re not alone and that it’s possible to say goodbye with compassion.
“Breaking up with someone you love is proof that courage and heartbreak can live in the same heartbeat.”
How to break up with someone you love
At the beginning of a relationship, when we like someone and enter the initial phase of infatuation, a multitude of neurotransmitters and hormones flood us. Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, and noradrenaline are some of the key players.
They’re what make it possible for you to spend hours and hours without sleeping, talking to that person, without eating, and without thinking about anything else.
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They’re what give us that “high,” and they’re what your body misses when you’re separated from that person.
“Knowing how break up with someone you love isn’t about mastering the perfect words, it’s about choosing honesty over comfort.”
It’s because of them that it’s so hard for you to stick to your conscious decision to separate. They make you feel that love is an addiction .
Despite the pain and the immense difficulty of leaving someone you love, you should know that by following a few guidelines, the addiction and the pain will last less time.
And little by little, and almost without realizing it, it will ease.
Let’s look at some tips on what to do in these situations.
1. Write down your reasons for separating from this person
This task is essential. When you’re calm, write down your compelling reasons for not being with that person.
It’s important to have this list handy for times of weakness, which there will undoubtedly be .
Don’t magnify or minimize them; be realistic and write them down so you have them in mind when nostalgia comes, which it surely will.
2. Avoid seeing and touching that person
Oxytocin is the hormone responsible for affection. When you see and touch the person you love, the levels of this hormone rise in your blood .
This helps maintain and even increase the bond and attachment to that person.
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Studies show that eye contact and hugging are the behaviors that release the most oxytocin. Therefore, avoid seeing and touching them.
“Sometimes love means letting go before resentment takes its place.”
To fully achieve this, it’s also important that you unfollow him on social media to avoid photos and videos.
I know this step is very difficult, but it’s the most important step to start moving forward.
If you can’t do it all at once, do it little by little, but do it as soon as possible.
3. Avoid making the same plans and routines that you did with that person
Dopamine is a major factor in love; it’s the hormone involved in the pathways of addiction.
When we receive and give love, dopamine is responsible for that state of excitement and high.
When we stop doing it, the decrease in this hormone causes our body and mind to yearn for it and seek it out again, especially in the places and times where we used to receive it.
That’s why it’s important to avoid those places where everything is the same, but only the person is missing. Change your habits.
4. Use strategies and set traps for your most vulnerable moments.
Anticipate the worst moments and think about strategies you can implement during the “lower” moments when you see a risk of relapsing and contacting them.
“Goodbyes hurt, but staying in a relationship that no longer grows is a slower kind of heartbreak.”
For example, delete their number, turn off your phone or leave it at home, go out, meet up with friends when you feel loneliest…
5. Control the constant thinking about others
This is very difficult, I know. But you have to be aware that you can control your thoughts.
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The thoughts will come again and again, but it’s up to you to let them carry you away, freezing you in your tracks, or to be aware when they come and shift your attention to something else.
At first, it may seem like you’re not managing it, but little by little, you’ll have more and more spaces free of thoughts about that person, and you’ll start to feel better.
6. Beware of self-deception
The brain and our body will use thousands of tricks and strategies to make you fall for it and get everything it likes and needs (adrenaline, oxytocin, etc.), so be very careful with self-deceptions like: “Just seeing him once is fine” “I’ll only meet him one more time and it will be the last time.”
Watch out for them, be alert and refer to your list from point 1 when you see them invading you.
7. Invest time in activities that give you satisfaction and energy
Breaking up with someone means filling the emotional and time void that the relationship occupied.
Devoting yourself to activities that truly fulfill and bring you satisfaction will help you heal .
Try new things or return to activities you used to enjoy, such as reading, exercising, learning something new, or spending time with friends and family.
The key is to do things that make you feel fulfilled and that allow you to rediscover your interests and passions outside of the relationship.
Furthermore, by investing your energy in these positive aspects, you’ll gradually notice how the attachment weakens.
8. Give space to your emotions and accept them without judging yourself
Getting over a relationship is an intense emotional process, and it’s important not to judge yourself for the feelings that arise.
Allow yourself to feel and process emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration without punishing yourself for them.
“The hardest part of learning how break up with someone you love is remembering that compassion must guide every word you speak.”
Give yourself time to go through these stages and, instead of repressing them, allow them to flow naturally.
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A good resource might be to keep an emotional journal where you express what you feel each day or to talk to someone you trust about your emotions.
Accepting what you feel will help you close the cycle in a healthier way and learn from the experience without getting trapped in it.
Conclusion
Learning how break up with someone you love taught me that real love isn’t always about holding on; sometimes it’s about letting go with respect, kindness, and honesty.
If you’re standing at that crossroads, trust yourself. You are strong enough to choose what’s healthy, even when it hurts.
One day, you’ll look back and realize that ending things was the first step toward a better chapter for both of you.