As with any relationship, a long-distance relationship (LDR) has to be nurtured and supported in order for it to be successful.
While it’s easy to feel a bit hopeless at times, being in a LDR can also show the best in partners, and help develop good habits that will help strengthen the relationship if and when you live together.
You probably don’t want to let the opportunity for love pass you by just because you two are not located in the same area if you have found someone you click with.
Even if you only see each other once, or only a few times a month (or even a year!) you can still maintain a happy and healthy relationship.
Still, you must work to maintain a long-distance relationship, and you will need to take some steps to help make sure you, and your partner, feel connected even when you are not with each other.
Check out these long distance relationship tips, and see what connects best to you.
10 Tips for Long Distance Relationships
1. Communication is key
Talk about communication preference and what makes your partner feel supported, and ask them about their communication preferences as well.
This step ensures that you both can openly express your feelings, and share your thoughts, and be validated even when you are not together.
Establishing expectations on how often you will communicate with your spouse or partners whether that is daily, weekly, and so on, is another form of expressing your preferred communication styles.
You should discuss your ideas around preference for amount; even if the idea you have around how much you really want to communicate, you may not need or have time for the ideal (schedules sometimes just do not work).
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When communicating honestly, tell them how you’re feeling and what you may need or want.
Communicating in optimal ways is always good practice, and it can make you and your partner(s) feel special.
It is also important to talk about the ways (medium) you communicate. Is texting “talking”? Is it okay to multi-task, while you’re communicating, or do you prefer to designate a time to chat without distractions?
Do you prefer video chatting or just verbal? (There is no right answer here, only preferences.)
2. Put yourself first and enjoy this time
Embrace the opportunity to live your own life, and pursue happiness in a way that feels relevant and comfortable to you while staying connected to your partner(s).
Just because you are apart doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold, in fact, it can be a great time to find yourself again.
This is a wonderful chance. In the spirit of personal development and self-improvement, you and your partner should motivate each other to follow your interests and passions, get involved in new activities, or focus on skills that give you pleasure and feelings of personal fulfillment.
This could be learning a new language, joining the gym, painting, or building your career, all these activities increase your self esteem and encourage you to share recent and updated ideas with your partner in your conversations.
When each of you values and honors space for individual growth, you will create a healthier space within your relationship to strike an appropriate balance that uses each of you as components rather than whole beings.
This will shift the expectation of happiness being only fulfilled within your partner, and instead each of you becomes strongly individuated and enhances the union while sustaining balance and stability.
3. Experience the romance and enjoyment of long-distance relationships
It is hard to be in an LDR, and it’s okay to sometimes be frustrated, things take getting used to.
Even if your partner or partners aren’t nearby, there are limitless ways to connect and have fun. Introduce them to something you enjoy and ask them to do the same.
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You could have a Zoom or FaceTime date, send a letter, or watch a movie together.
For example, if you like painting or drawing, set a time for you and the person to paint or draw, and send pictures when you’re done.
If you participate in sports, help your partner by finding local recreation leagues and support them.
If you read for fun, send a list of your favourite books and suggest they read the first chapter and give you feedback regarding their interest.
By finding excitement and closeness in your long distance relationship, you can learn more about yourself and your partner or partners, and discover additional things to love about them.
4. Reflect on your relationship and examine your needs
In a long distance relationship, the time and space you have can also give you the opportunity to reflect on your relationship as is.
This may be easy to lose sight of, but now can be a good time to consider what, if any, relationship goals you had and what you want out of your partner or partners.
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If you love somebody and notice jealousy, controlling and/or manipulative behaviors, abuse or other problematic acts either during or while apart, reach out and connect to discuss the problems in your relationship using Johns Hopkins resources.
A relationship should encompass receiving love, happiness, and fun; and if it does not, consider what is the best situation for you.
5. Avoid Comparing Your Relationship to Others’
This applies to any relationship, regardless of whether or not you are in a long-distance relationship, getting married or moving in together.
Due to the distance and the fact that you are spending time apart, the development of a long-distance relationship may take a little more time (although, in some instances, long-distance dating can actually force a relationship to develop quicker).
It is never ideal to compare your relationship to that of others, but if you feel that other couples are progressing quicker than you, take a break and just enjoy being in a long-distance relationship, where you can pursue your life without your partner’s demands.
Do not put undue pressure on yourself or your partner. If you have a reunion plan, make the best of it and continue developing your relationship apart until you are able to reunite in person.
6. Educate yourself on attachment needs
Understanding your attachment needs is one of the most powerful steps you can take toward healthier relationships that feel fulfilling.
When we were children, each of us learned methods for how we bonded with others and how our needs were met.
Psychologists refer to this as our attachment style, and these are influenced by the messages we received from those who cared for us when we were younger, whether we felt loved and secure, or whether love felt uncertain, conditional or absent.
The ways we learned to interact with others early on, now affect how we connect as adults, for example:
- If you received consistent love and support, and it was unconditional, you probably feel secure in your relationships.
- If your care was inconsistent, you likely developed anxious attachment and are always looking for reassurance.
- If you learned to rely on yourself, you may sometimes have an avoidant attachment style, pulling away from others when it feels too intimate.
- Or, if you learned to manage conflicting messages, you may have developed a fearful or disorganized attachment style.
The good news is this: attachment styles are developed, and they can change.
By educating yourself on attachment styles, you can better understand your emotional triggers, the way you relate in partnership, and the way you seek connection.
You can then respond to your partners in much healthier ways instead of acting out of old patterns on auto-pilot.
7. Talk in order to tune in
Attunement is the heartbeat of trust. It means we are giving attention to our partner’s emotions and our own.
We should aspire to be this tuned in to one another in all relationships, but it is essential in long-distance relationships.
When we are close in proximity, it makes it that much easier to attune, especially at the beginning of a relationship, for the syncing of our neurobiology is also that much easier.
So, the stronger the connection the more you direct your attention to being empathic and compassionate.
Additionally, the more attuned you are when you are located in the same physical space, the better able your relationship will be protected from the conflict that destroys relationships when you are located at a distance from one another.
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Since we hold the heart of our partners in our hands, the more available, open, and emotionally connected we can be, the more stable our relationships will be.
If you think of your desire to emotionally attune as a golden thread weaving through your conversations, you will have the best chance of navigating some of the challenges that occur in long-distance relationships.
8. Put in effort
The effort is what keeps a relationship in its initial, magical state alive and flourishing.
Couples give everything up for each other when they first meet, but as time passes and the novelty begins to wear off, they take each other for granted.
There are fewer calls on a weekly basis, fewer texts on social media, and fewer spontaneous “I love yous”.
You have to continue to work at making your partner feel special. Cute texts, birthday gifts, care packages, and sweet surprises work wonders.
Regardless of how quiet you both are, your partner should always feel safe, valued, and cared for.
Even if you’re the busiest person in the world, you have responsibilities to your partner.
If your partner is unsuccessful in traveling to see you for a few months because you know he or she is making millions, and just living life, then put in some work and effort on your part.
True love is about caring for your partner’s little needs or wants, not getting down on one knee in front of 30,000 people in the city with a diamond ring.
9. Talk to One Another
Whether it’s through handwritten letters, phone calls, or simple texts, you have to maintain the relationship.
You need to demonstrate that you care about the other person, but do not act as if you are living in a fantasy.
Most couples will not text or call each other during the day, knowing that they can catch up at some point, even if they continuously send texts and make calls.
You do need to find a workable balance between being clingy and one another’s whereabouts, as communication is essential while still maintaining a relationship.
Clinginess is harmful to your relationship, your partner, and yourself. For your partner, you’re always watching and assessing their activities, clothing, friends, and daily responsibilities will annoy them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in constant communication, but there is nothing wrong with constantly suggesting it either.
If things get too bad, your partner will simply stop sharing experiences from their life with you to avoid the “possessiveness” feeling. The solution to this is not what you want, right?
10. Tell the truth about what you desire
If you think there is an issue in your relationship, resolve it immediately. If you are unwilling to speak up about worries, there are some more troubling things bubbling under the surface.
Speaking about your concerns will help alleviate heartbreak, sympathy pains, and arguments.
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Communicating with each other when you’re apart might feel difficult but as long as you both choose to be in the relationship, it’s doable.
It just expands your ability to take care of your relationship as an adult; it doesn’t make you selfish.
Sure, you shouldn’t tell your partner everything. But does that mean that you shouldn’t tell your partner about important life events like a great work opportunity, a chance to attend a prestigious university, or traveling with a friend?
You have to trust that your partner won’t lose interest in you or, even worse, start dating someone else.
You will feel powerless and jealous; but if the relationship is worth it, you will find a way to be together.
Final Words
Maintaining a long-distance relationship is challenging, it requires work, patience, and dedication from both partners. But just because you’re far apart, doesn’t mean that you have to let it weaken your bond.
You can strengthen your relationship by enhancing your communication skills, developing trust, and increasing your appreciation for the time that you have together.